Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
