i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
