im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
