Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize