Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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