you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found a bag of teeth...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
