Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think i have two assholes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
