I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
