Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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