Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
