I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how drunk are you?
Several
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
