Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
