no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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