dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
