so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
