Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need to get me chipped asap
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
