Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
