I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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