Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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