my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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