Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
