i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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