I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
