so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
