i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
