i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
