I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
