Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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