Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
