grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
