so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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