Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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