bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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