My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
