strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Houston, we have a squirter
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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