I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I want is dick and wine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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