she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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