Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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