i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
