Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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