just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
