mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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