the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
