Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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