Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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