Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
