I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
