Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
