I just pynch a tree in the face
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just invented taco cereal.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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