jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There r osticjed everywhere
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
