We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
