i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
