Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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