Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
