Christians are straight up FREAKS
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
