i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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