Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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